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The Day Abah Passed Away

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


I was contemplating should I or should I not post about this? Should I wait for later....when everything is okay? but when is later? If I learn anything from this whole situation, procrastination is human's biggest mistake.

What if there's no more later? What if this is it? Your last chance?

Therefore, I choose to write this now.

[Warning: This is a very lengthy post. I wanted to put everything in one single post]

Around 2 am on Tuesday (17/10), we were woken up by the sound of Emak screaming calling for me. We rushed to our parents room, in there, Emak was hugging Abah tightly, she's no longer calling for me, now she's chanting Lailahaillallah...I assumed the worst...until I saw Abah's chest. He's still breathing! I called 999, ambulance arrived 10 minutes later which btw feels like 10 hours! Emak and Faiz followed the ambulance to Sungai Buloh Hospital, me and Dik Yah stayed at home. Around 3 am I informed my close friends and colleagues of the whole situation and I begged them to pray for my father safe recovery and also to inform them that I'll be taking leave the next morning. Alya replied me almost instantly! She was awake because she was playing games at that time (Alya being Alya), we talked on the phone for a moment, she console me a bit..

(Btw, I'll be dropping names here and there throughout this post to always remind me to be thankful to them...for as long as I live...they were there during my toughest time...they are my true friends....and I hope, someday, if Allah permits, I could repay their kindness)

Things in the hospital was a little bit hazy...I know what happen, I remember them, but if you want details you ask Ayu. I called her every time something major happen....The time when Abah's heart stopped beating, when it stopped again, and again, when doctor brief us of the whole situation....I called her. She's my spoke person. She and Ain. Whenever someone message me asking for status, I forwarded the message to them and ask them to update my other friends.

Back in the hospital, Abah was still in the ER red zone. Only 2 of us can be with him at a time. So me and my siblings take turn while Emak stood there continuously. We were asked to keep Abah awake the whole time for fear that he'll passed out again in his nap. So each of us has our moment with Abah...we talked with him, cracked jokes, it was like any other normal day except now we're in a hospital and Abah was wearing breathing mask.

Then Pak Ngah, Mak Ngah and Bazli came, followed with Nyayi, Cik Cai, Mak Long and Cik Mimie. And again, each one of them take turn to see Abah. The last one was Cik Mimie. When Cik Mimie came out, from his face, I know something's wrong. Abah's heart, stopped, again. This time, doctors decided to put Abah to sleep and fixed him to the ventilator. Then one of the doctor brief us with the whole scenario....about what was wrong with Abah, about what CPR did to a person's heart, about how damaging CPR can be to an already weak heart and at that time they have done 3 CPRs, then the doctor asked us if Abah ever told us what he wanted should this thing happen....and a lot more questions and head hurt. In the end, all I hear is the doctor asking us to be prepared for the worst.

Abah was wheeled in to CCU around Maghrib. More family members came. Kak Zumaira and family, Haris, Abg Faisal, Cik Epit, Cik Non, Pak Long and Ayie, Abah's army friends. Around 9.30pm, we were all called to CCU. We were allowed to see Abah one last time that day, before the doctor asked us to decide...should Abah's heart stop beating again, do we need them to do CPR or should we let him go?

We told the doctor our decision, doctor accepted it and we were all asked to leave. No one is allowed to wait there. They will call in case of emergency. Pak Ngah's family went back to Subang, Kak Zumaira to Rawang, others slept at Sungai Buloh army camp, me and my little family waited in the hospital. Farid and Faiz slept on the hospital benches, Emak and DikYah in surau I slept in the car.

4.30 am, we were called to CCU. Abah's heart beat dropped below 30. Doctor allowed us to be there with him. Then began the most emotional 2 and a half hour of my life. In that 2 hours and a half, Abah's heart beat felled below 30 4 to 5 times,  the monitor showed 0 3 times...each time, he'll be gasping for air, he'll open his eyes, clenched my hand, the whole time, Emak, me, Farid, Faiz and Dik Yah were there teaching Abah syahadah and Lailahaillallah, we alternate with Yasin, before the monitor showed 0 again, at 7 am that Wednesday (18/10) and this time, we all know, it's the end. Me, Emak and Dik Yah hugged each other, we were in tears, mourning the passing of our dear father and husband. Innalillah.


People who came and visit us on that day kept saying that we were strong. My whole family were. Emak is strong, I looked strong, my siblings looked strong. Some people say maybe because my mom is the wife of an army and for us they say maybe because we're all grown up. Honestly, what I can tell you is, no one is ever matured enough to deal with the passing of someone dear to them. My friends parent passed away when she's 25. Then, I thought, she's big enough to handle losses...but look at me now, I am 27...and it hurts....greatly. 

On why we were so strong, I guess, it's because we have nothing to complain about Abah's passing. We believers know this, death is inevitable. Abah left us in a good way, he did not suffer for long, we each had our moment with him, we were all there by his side till his last breath and we strongly believe that Abah's last word was Allah how can we wail when he left us this peacefully? Even after that, since it was public holiday, lot of people were able to come for Solat Jenazah and kebumi. We can only thank Allah, Alhamdulillah that everything were smooth.


Allah proved once again that He's the best planner of all. I was reminded once again to never  ever doubt Allah's plan for my future. If Bedah did not get married on that weekend, I would not need to travel to Johor, my parents would not have someone to send those ikan masin, mangga, chili boh to kampung, Abah would have asked Emak and Me to go back to kampung, we would have gone back and Abah would be alone at home when he had his sawan.

But because Bedah got married that weekend, My parents had me to stop by Batu Pahat to give Nyayi all those things and Emak got to stay home with Abah and UiTM were also having mid term break at that exact moment.

Any doubt I have in Allah's plan disappear. I submit, wholeheartedly, with Allah Qada' and Qadar.

Friends and family I would like to thank:

Pak Ngah, Mak Ngah and family. Pak Ngah is the calmest person in the family. He always seems to know what to do in every situation. Pak Ngah and family helped us a lot at that time. From guiding us in the hospital, on what to do/pray for Abah, All my cousins helped during the kebumi process, afterwards in my home with buying lauk and helping to serve food for families at home, I could not thank them enough for what they've done.

Abah's siblings for keeping him company at the hospital, for their help in taking care of Nyayi and Emak, for helping with the kebumi process and also afterward for cooking and buying stuff for the whole family and most important of all, for loving Abah the way he deserve.

Abah's army buddy and ATM itself, for being so attentive, they help with literally everything..from buying food for us at the hospital, arranging accommodation for our family from Kampung and for efficiently arranging for mandi, solat and kebumi.

My todak girls, Ayu, Ain and Piqah..I thank them for the emotional support they give, for being there with me during Abah's last tatapan, for helping to buy lauk, drinks and gula....for helping to serve food to my family....Emak kept saying "nasib baik diorang ada" she kept bragging on how I made friends well...and honestly, meeting them, being friends with them and sticking together after all these years is one of the best plan Allah has for me and with everything that they've done for me, I can only hope that Allah will reward them abundantly and someday, I hope, I can be that kind of friend to them.

Alya for coming, helping and for picking up my call that night (I guess I can thank her game addiction too), Qila for coming and helping, Dayah, Intan, Nad, Lisma, Dayah Joe and Pak Long and family for coming to express their condolences to me and my family. Anut, Tikah and Azar for their emotional support.

Zul for driving me to Johor, for driving my bising and demanding friends from Putrajaya to Rawang, for being there during kebumi and for emotional support.

Other friends for their condolences and prayers.

Thank you so much for all your help and prayers may Allah repay you abundantly.

Al-fatihah to arwah Abah.

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