RUSTY

 I need this. I need to come back. I need to create again. I need to feel like me, again.

The danger of being an INFJ is that I tend to mirror people, and lose my original self along the way. Recently, I got to know someone who's very different than me. To be with that person, I have to change/do a lot of things that I don't normally do, because as usual, I try to please another by mirroring them. I thought I was doing great, until, I started to notice some small, but alarming changes.

The thing is, because we're in constant communication, I don't have much alone time. I thought I don't need it, you know what they say, if you love the company, you'll love spending time with them. Hmmmm, turns out, I don't know myself well enough rupanya. I should have learn from the only successful relationship I have, my relationship with the todak girls. I love them, sure, but we don't talk everyday. The only reason why we work is because all of us need space and all of us give each other space. 

So, with that very little time I have to be with myself, I doom scroll, because it's quick and don't need much time and attention. and nowww, I rasa my brain is rottingggg. I have been forgetting things, it's scaryyyy. Yes meee, lupa benda. Even Emak pun perasan. Emak was like, "eh tak sangka ada benda kakak boleh lupa,'.

T-T

I need my super brain backkk. I need to be able to pull out receipt from yearsss ago. If I cannot be the one reminding people what happen on January 2012, what's the point of me existing #drama.

Something need to change, demi kesihatan masa depan saya.

I need my alone time back. I need to do things, for me. I need to start creating again.

To do that, I need to communicate, but I am an avoider, another bad traits I have. haihhh. The thing is, no one force me to do anything punnn, it's just meee, and my shitty mirroring people's personality. Hopefully that other person understand, this is not about that person, it's about me, refinding me.