Decision time

Assalamualaikum. :)

I accepted Peneraju.

If you want to know more about it just go here. I don’t want to talk much about it because well, I learnt my lesson. Remember the LCW post I did, tarik viewer banyak gila beb! Because of the title. And I don’t want that to happen again. I kan pemalu. Hehe.

Why I accept the program?

To answer that, I must first tell you about my dream. My true angan-angan. The true answer to ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’.

Throughout my whole life, well, tak whole life sangat la, until form 5, I am always the brilliant one. Hehe. Perasan nampak. Haha! Who is going to praise you but yourself kan? Heeeeeeeee. :)))))))))) Anyway, true story. :) ever since primary school. Secondary school, in a more subtle way. I may not be among the top in my batch, but I was always among the top 3 in my class. (trust me, this post is not all about membangga diri. You have to read it till the end )

But it all changes when I enter Uni. You know when people say ‘you can still get good grades in UPSR, PMR and SPM, even if you don’t put much effort to it, but you can’t in Uni’. Well that’s it. Believe them.

 If you don’t, at least believe me. I’ve experimented on myself. You know some people who kept saying they don’t study, they will fail, bogel lah and then suddenly BOOM! Result gempak? I hate you people! Because you make me look like I am one of you but I am not!!!!! Seriously, when I say I don’t study, I don’t. When I say I started studying just the night before the exam, I MEANT IT! and oh please don’t lecture me on how guys are more malas to study than girls because seriously, the guys in my batch study lagi gila perah otak. Salute. In Uni, you have to put in efforts in order to excel.

That’s why, I am no longer the brilliant one. I am just average. Very very very very average.

Sad isn’t it? People should improve. :(

And in conjunction to my life graph, so did my dreams graph. I used to wish I’ll be rich, have a very successful career, married to a non-smoking rich man, have 3 kids max, live in a 3 storey bungalow with transparent glass and tangga pusing-pusing (rumah orang kaya hujung jalan masa I 7 tahun), drive nice cars, wear designers clothes, and oh open my own Yayasan for anak yatim.

Selepas itu, makin besar makin tak luxurious mimpi I. and I don’t know when,suddenly it becomes like this,

‘I live moderately, work as a secondary school teacher, married to a non-smoking man who’s being paid moderately, have many kids, live in a decent house (Apartment also ok), drive my Atos sampai bila-bila, dress decently, and sometimes volunteer in kids shelter.

Apakah? Seperti langit dengan bumi.

Then sebab tu lah, when I was finishing school, I have a hard time figuring out where I want to work. there's one offer from my mother’s friend accounting firm. They pay quite low, but then again, the firm is in Tasik Puteri, so if I am going to stay in Tasik Puteri, it would be perfect. Lantak lah bayar tak tinggi pun, tapi it is so convenient. 5 minit je dah sampai office. Tak redah jam pagi, petang pun tak. My life would be so simple and easy. 

I almost tak pergi Peneraju's assessment tahu tak. sebab I was so happy with the offer.

Tapi tiba-tiba, two days before the assessment, hati I macam tergerak nak jugak pergi, I pergi. Waktu assessment I tak rasa sangat, tapi masa on the way nak pergi interview memang zaaaaaaaap! Berangan mode. As I watched people busily and hurriedly rushed for work, I realise, I love the busy world! I don’t want an easy life. Well maybe I do, but not now. Not when I am 22! The world is so full of surprises and I want an easy life?? When I am only 22? When I am still so powerful and energetic, full with potential, I am going to give up, just like that???? Oh no no no no.

I know, it’s tough to work with Big 4 + BDO, the hours, feeeeewwwwh. Balik pukul 2, normal. Tak balik langsung, biasa. Tapi, if other people can do it why can’t I? kan? Betul tak? Kan kan kan? I know, nanti dah sebulan, heck seminggu dekat sana, confirm mulut mesti kerje complain je banyak kerja tapi I choose this kind of life. mestilah ada opportunity cost dia.  :D

I still remember what Madam Noorliza said one day during class ‘when you're just graduated, it is not the time yet to do what you love. It should be about money. Ye lah kan fresh graduate, kalau nak kejar true dream pun kene ada modal dulu? Betul tak?

I hold on to those words. For strength. Nanti.