BOOK NOTES: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

Assalamualaikum  

Let me put it out there, I don't normally pick up money related books. Why? Maybe because of all those time spend thinking about money on my 8-5 (I work as a statutory/financial analyst), I don't think I want to spend my time outside of work thinking more about money. Interestingly, this may be one of the reason why I was so bad at managing my personal finances. :P I simply don't care.

Then pandemic came, with so much uncertainty on the future, even the laziest of them all, me, was force to think about my own future survival. So I picked up this book and oh myyy, the experience is very far from what I have expected. I'd expected a budgetting book, book outlining practical ways on how I can earn more money or how I could save more etc etc. After all, aren't all financial books like that? Boy was I wrong. Well, although the later chapters did give some example on how you can do all that, the main theme of the book is not budgetting, but to transform your relationship with money.

Who should read it?

I wanted to say all, Everyone who earns and spend money need to read this.....but, I think it's a bit insensitive to think that everyone has the luxury to do all the steps in the book. The book discussed about money and financial independent as if everyone has a choice. While I am a big believer in "everyone has a choice,", I also understand, that sometimes, our choices are limited, and in those limited choices that we have, financial freedom is a bit far from reality.

So who do I think could benefit from the book? Everyone, who's not fighting for survival, who earns and spend money.

What I got from the book

Top quotes from the book

• Money is something you trade your life energy for. You sell your time for money.
• It is easier to tell our therapist about our sex life than it is to tell our accountant about our finances.
• We think we work to pay the bills - but we spend more than we make on more than we need, which send us back to work to get the money to spend to get more stuff- that sends us back to work again!
• Strategies you come up with for yourself in your own life often will be much more powerful than the advice of others.

The money trap

You know how we always asked someone "What do you do for a living?" whenever we want to know someone's job right? But are we really, making a living? at the end of our workday, are we more alive than we were at the beginning? How many of us clocked out thinking, "wow, what a day well spent. I can't wait to do this again tomorrow!" We aren't making a living, we're making a dying! Exhausted bodies and empty soul. Working more but enjoying life less.

Plus, these wrong terms that we use:

1. Consumers - we are expected to buy everything from hope to happiness, we no longer live life, we consume it
2. Disposable income - what else would we do with disposable income besides dispose of it?

What is money?

Money = life energy. We sell our time for money. 

and what is life energy? Basically how much your real hourly wage. 

and what is your real hourly wage? It's your basic salary minus cost associated to the job (commuting, costuming, meals, daily decompression, escape entertainment, vacations, job related illness) 

What is work?

Have you wonder what is work? Why do you need to work? I know a lot will say to get paid but do you know that there is a study on work satisfaction and surprise surprise, growth potential, communication channels, interest in work and recognition make a job satisfying - not pay.

So with this, now we know that work has two function:

1. Material, financial function - getting paid

2. Personal function - emotional, intellectual, psychological and even spiritual

This is where everything go haywire. A lot of us mix function 1 with function 2. While paid employment is exclusive to work, personal function is not. You can get the same emotional, intellectual, psychological and even spiritual outside of work. 

A lot of us now put more important to the time spend at work. We think we are our job. We identify our self worth from our job. Jobism (like racism but towards people job) is real. We judge people by how much money they are making. Value of leisure has dropped. Leisure now leads more often to loneliness and boredom, how can it not, life outside the workplace has lost vitality and meaning. Even the word time off is wrong, it's as thought leisure were just a few minutes of recuperation before we're back "on" a once again productive human being.

What the writer tried to preach now is that, all moments in your life matter. We need to reclaim control so that we have more moments to spend as we will, not as we must. The writer wants us to break the link between work and wages. We need to acknowledge who we really are.

Eg. Let's say you are a natural born teacher but you took a job as computer programmer because you can make more money, instead of saying "I'm a programmer" say "I'm a teacher but currently writing computer programs to make money". This way, our inner self matches our outer self too.

How this concept has help me?

If we are being real, I am still me guys, no book on productivity has manage to turn me into a do-er rather than a procrastinator, so no surprise, I still am shamefully wasting my time, but to the very least, the book helps me to realised that each purchase equals to a certain amount of my time. At least now, before I impulse purchase anything, I would convert that into hours and think is it worth my 2 days (example) of my time?

 In a completely different note, the book managed to make me think hard on my retirement plan. Do I really have to wait till 50 to retire? Am I okay with deferring my life for the sake of extra money? That, I need to rethink.

And in term of breaking the link between work and wage, I have no problem with that. I have always define my job as it is, a mean to support my various hobbies. Work is just a small portion of my life, and now I know how to define myself.

"I'm a writer but currently analyse financial data to make money," gittew.

***

What is enough?

Enough is when we have:

1. Everything we need
2. Nothing extra to weigh us down, distract or distress us
3. Nothing we've bought on credit
4. Nothing we never used and are slaving to pay off.

I love how the book ask ourselves to define what is enough for us. It's not some budgeting tool that tell us saving has to be 30% bla bla bla. But the book help us to be aware of our enough point. The writer wants us to get clear about money without cutting off individuality. It is not less is more, but what we ourselves consider enough. 

How this concept has help me?

For the first few months, of course, I still shop like there is no tomorrow. zzzzzzz.... but as I became more and more aware of my enough point, as I keep asking myself do I receive fulfillment and satisfaction from this item I just purchase? Am I chasing over cheap thrill instead of deep thrill (the purchase leaves me satisfied, content, and at peace)? Over time, I somehow stop spending. It's fascinating, really, for me to stop spending lol, but suddenly, I don't feel like I need that limited edition tudung anymore, or that newly restocked shirt, or the newly release gadget, this is what the book calls as accidental saving, I accidentally save some money without even trying! I wasn't depriving myself of anything, really, I still buy things that I love, but as I become more and more aware of my enough points, there is just simply not much thing I want to buy anymore. In January alone, I manage to save around RM2k plus. Seriously that is huge for me, someone who used to zero out her bank account just few months back!

***

What doesn't work for me?

Towards the end of the book, they were some steps on how to maximise your saving through investment and more. Again, I am not fond of any "how to" steps to earn money so I skipped the whole chapter.

***

All in all, this book is a life changing book for me. It has shift my relationship with money 360 degrees. <3

BOOK NOTES: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

THE PERFECTION TRAP

 

Assalamualaikum

Recently, my company organize this new female mentoring program for us. It's a small book club kind of circles (4 mentees and 1 mentor in each circle) where we all need to read this book "How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back From Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job".

First and foremost, let me talk about the book. I haven't finish the book as I want to follow the course of the program, but from the chapters that I've read, some habits are nothing new, bad habits that we ourselves know we have. However, some are really eye-opener. I find myself doing this a lot while reading the book, I stop and reflect on things that happened/did not happen because of the way I reacted to a certain situation.

I personally like the book. I think it’s a shame that it’s marketed only towards professional female adult. I think this book could benefit everyone; men/women, professional/non professional, matured/young.

Onto our mentoring session. The chapter that we discussed for our first session is "The Perfection Trap". Here is what I find interesting; we have so much in common! Some of them are:

1. When giving example on unhealthy perfectionism within oneselves that we need to fix, our mentor mentioned about being so particular about font type and size. The rest of us literally went OMG me too! Well, what are the odds that all of us can relate? haha.
2. While other mentees in the call are all successful woman with good career progression, we all confess that at a point in time, we all preferred to work with male bosses than women due to this unhealthy perfectionist women tend to be.
3. We think men are a good sales person. Although not all, some really know how to sell themselves even when they know nothing, which is a good thing in a way, because they are always ready to take opportunity whenever it comes. The “fake it till you make it” thing. Women on the other hand are a bit reluctant to take up offers in areas that they are not quite well versed on and tend to self-doubt a lot.
4. We all take a long time to draft emails. We read emails over and over and over again to make sure we use the right wording.

That font and email thing is so simple but why do we fall on this perfection trap? It’s not like it will change the business or anything. -_-

***

What the book says about "The Perfection Trap"

1. Women are more vulnerable to perfection trap. Why? Because we were brought up that way. Thinking back, we are thought to be graceful, to be obedient. Girls are always expected to be a certain way; speak a certain way, sit a certain way, eat a certain way and many more. Therefore we react by striving to meet the expectation, to get everything right, to be perfect. Whereas boys are given much more latitude. Imagine a naughty kid, a girl will be seen as disgraceful while a boy, well, boys will be boys they say.
2. The cost of falling into the perfection trap - As a boss, the person would be over controlling and judgmental; he/she will micromanage everything. He/she will want to be involve in everything; does not delegate work which in return is self sabotaging as he/she would get tired and stress from doing all the work. Other than that, from employees POV, having a perfectionist boss will limit their growth. 
• They will not take responsibility for their own work as they have this default mentality that their boss will finalised everything. 
• This can also limit creativity of the team members. No one wants to put out new idea if the idea is not throughly thought through yet.
3. Perfection doesn’t exist. People will make mistake.
4. The healthy perfectionist - He/she notice the detail, but considers things in a larger context.This person is good at delegating, knows how to prioritise and get comfortable taking measured risk.

***

Why I think this can be applied outside of professional setting?

If you’re a mom, ask yourself this; are you handholding your child in every turn of their life because you want them to be perfect? Do you do house chores yourself because if others do it, they’ll never be able to match your standard? If yes, then you too have fall into the perfectionist trap.

***

I guess everyone’s mantra should be this going forward,

Perfection does not exist.

THE PERFECTION TRAP

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

STAYING AT HOME SITUATION

[Disclaimer: I rarely write about current issues in this blog because I feel that in each of those moment, there were/are so much information and opinions being said so me writing my limited uninformed opinions would just be another noise in an already crowded discussion board. However, too many things are happening at once, I wanted to remember the impact it has on me. That's what I 'll be focusing on in this post. I am in no way trying to belittle others suffering by being so delusional to think that only I matter, because the truth it, everyone matter. The threat is real, the sacrifices made by frontliners, victims, families and the general public are real. I pray that we all stay healthy and strong to go through this trying time but I won't be writing further on that because like I said, you can get those informations and opinions from others who talk more about it, professionals who are more well verse on the issue than me]

***

Assalamualaikum

When I move out from my mom's and attempted to live alone, the respond I received were either "tak takut ke?" or "tak sunyi ke?" to which I replied "tak lah, ok je,". I am an introvert who always need to be alone to recharge so living by myself is perfect for me, and it helps that I am a major home person so I don't forsee any issue if I were to be stuck at home for days.

Or so I thought.

Several days ago, our PM gave the restriction movement order so now we all have to work from home. Initially, besides concern on productivity, I don't have any other problem because, yeay, no need to leave the house. 5 days in, I miss office. haha. As it turns out, I can only survive living alone if I have my daily doses of human interaction, ie gossiping with my colleagues. Those simple and minimal interactions that I took for granted, turns out to be essential to my survival. In just two days, I gave up and am now at my mom's permanently till this RMO ends whenever it might be. In the end, I traded my own health over my plants health -.-"

 Apa khabar lah awak2 dekat rumah sana?

Even at my mom's, I am now constantly fidgeting trying to find things to do, homebody lah sangat kan. My friend Alya, she's a proud homebody too but even she was like, "tak syok gak kan bila kene paksa WFH," This whole experience makes me wonder on this whole identity that I thought was me but is it really? Am I not a homebody? Do I like malls so much that I miss OU? Or do I just love to rebel and would simply want to break order when it's given? I wonder.

***

There are lots of posts appreciating the struggles of moms with young children who has to keep a house,  entertain the children and at the same time work from home. While I salute them, I also want to take this opportunity to appreciate moms with adult children who's now at home, playing with computers all day long (read: LLB while WFH), menghabiskan beras, mendugong menternak lemak, while adding clothes to the laundry, I salute your patient. =P

STAYING AT HOME SITUATION

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

SEPETANG BERSAMA MAKTAB JUNIORS

Assalamualaikum

[Warning] - All pictures are blurry because they are pictures I stole from Ansara FB page and the one I managed to insta story (My phone die and reset itself)

***

I grew up in MRSM and the PRS in me always knew that I'll be back to give back to the school in whatever way I can. 

"Sirih Pulang ke Gagang" is an annual thing organised by my seniors. Basically, we need to give career talk to the current Form 4 students to somehow help them determine their future path. Back when I was still a university student, I joined similar program organised by our batch for the Form 5 students at the time...that experience was a bit disappointing that I stopped joining for the coming years. 1. We, the facilitators ourselves were still students at the time alahaaaai hingusan nya pastu ada hati nak bagi career talk and secondly, in 2011, most of the students at the time were into medic (ye lah, sekolah sains kan) almost 60% of them wanted to get into med schools and the remaining big percentage of them wanted to pursue engineering. So only 2 or 3 students were slightly interested in accounting, I use slightly because even them were on the fence of either accounting or engineering.

Fast forward to now, in 2019, I think I've got enough experience to brag about my current profession *flip hair* well, at least to a bunch of Form 4 students, still not experience enough to give talks to university students.

When I checked the speaker registration list, I saw like 5 names under Accounting and Finance so I was like phewh I don't need to talk much but on the actual day, for the first session, there was only me!!!! Syila came 20 minutes late, omg omg omg poor students had to hear me rambles for 20 minutes straight!

Here is my take on the whole experience:

1. Based on my 2011 experience, I came prepared with a mindset that I need to sell Accounting to the students, that I need to convince them that Accounting is a cool career path to pursue too. Knowing full well that each student had to attend two sessions, one career of their choice, another one was randomly picked by the organiser, I thought everyone in the room got accounting as their randomly allocated session. So when I asked "Who wants to be an accountant?" I didn't expect that everyone would raise their hand! (Including two biology girls I have in the session). I was flustered. This explain my initial 20 minutes ramble early on. I have nothing prepared for students who already love accounting! My reaction to their raised hands was "Really? semua nak jadi accountant?" followed by enthusiastic yes! oh my oh my accounting is popular! 

The students were confused at my confused face so I had to explain my 2011 experience plus how my batch only had like 15 of us in the class. I couldn't blame them, at the end of the day, this is still a science school so everyone wanted to be a doctor. I guess it's different now. The students explained that they have 2 accounting full classes now with a lot more students wanted to take Accounting but since Cikgu Pauline retired, the school only has Cikgu Fadzilah so they have to put quota and screen the students through one test to see who's eligible to take accounting. I was shocked!

2. Now I understand why Kery kept insisting us to join him every year. Me and Syila were the only  pure traditional accountant in the whole program. We took traditional path. Took accounting, professional paper, joined audit firm then move on to commercial company. Another senior were around for the afternoon session but she's not from accounting background. She's a business graduate and is currently self employed. I enjoyed listening to her talking about her hardship and how she fights for what she has now. However, the students were very interested in CAT, ACCA and the path to follow that if me and Syila weren't around, I feel so kesian to the students that they wouldn't be getting much information. After the session, me and Syila looked at each other and we were like, "Should we come every year from now on?" 

3. I am happy that accounting finally gets the recognition it deserve among us bumiputera and never would I thought that I'll live to see the day when not many wants to pursue medical school. Don't get me wrong, we still need doctors God bless them for sacrificing their time and effort to keep us healthy, but I hate the brain washing science school always do to their student which is Doctor = Successful. I believe that everyone has their own role in this world. If a kid wanted to be a doctor, great, if a kid wanted to be an accountant, it's great too! Don't undermine one career over the other. I find it sad that a Pengetua of a SBP once said, "Jangan jadi macam senior korang tu....Dia pandai tau top student, tapi last last jadi Accountant," grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

P/S: If I am to be completely honest, the ideal career to pursue now is anything related to IT. With lots of automation and innovation coming on, that field of study has a lot more room to explore and career opportunity in the future.

SEPETANG BERSAMA MAKTAB JUNIORS

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

EXPOSURE

Assalamualaikum

I wanted to update this to my instastory and then I was like, wait wait, I thought you said you wanted to keep memories in the blog? -____________- Okayyy fine past self. 

So here we are.

To tell you this story, I have to explain something. This is hard to say but here goes;

I love the exposure that I am getting nowadays!

I knowww right why so shameless haha. Introvert has always been my thing. Not raising hands when I have a questions, staying back stage for whatever I was forced to be in, keeping quiet during meetings, let people use me for their projects that they get recognition for, rolling my eyes whenever someone mentioned "good exposure" or "opportunity", all of this is my thing! For a good 4 years, very little people knew I exist.

That changed when I tendered my resignation letter last year. I have to meet sooo many people, sooo many bosses, by the end of it, almost all the bosses knew me. -_________________- Then the Dubai KT thing came through (which I surprisingly haven't finish blogging), The Tax Onboarding Video project came, yes I am in the official Tax Onboarding Video team (more on this later I guess), a lot more bosses know me now, even bosses from outside the Hub. All of this should scare me, but, it didn't! In fact, I sort of even love it. Is it shameless? To love attention? To enjoy all this exposure that I am getting? Should I be humble and go "naaahhhhh, it's nothing,". 

Well, if we're being real, it is nothing hahaha other people get recognise every day, unwrapped yourself from your little bubble please, but, I think I have to give myself credit when it's due, this is a huge step for me, someone who used to be called "budak suara kecik," awwww I've grown up! *Pat myself on the back*

Which bring us to today (8/8),

I won the Kahoot game at the end of the training! #nerdalert This training was attended by everyone in tax and it was presented by outside the Hub boss, who's on the same level as our biggest boss in KLHUB! (Again, if we're being real, this is not really a big big thing but well, let me have my moment haha:P)

Well done Athirah well done. :D

***

Yup, I just wrote and entire entry about how I win a box of Ferrero Rocher, -___-' I've reached another level of bragging :'P

EXPOSURE

Friday, August 9, 2019

ON THE VERGE OF RESIGNING

Assalamualaikum

This started around 3 months ago. I am feeling really demotivated at work, I do nothing at work. Work has been piling up and honestly speaking, it was not because I have too many things to do. It was more of a "I don't want to do anything" moment. For months, I did lower than the bare minimum. Oh I showed up to work alright, but I just don't work. All I did was surf the internet all day everyday. (Please don't forward this to my bosses).

On the long weekend last week, I even applied to study master full time. Not sure if I'll be accepted but if I do, the semester going to start on September that means I have to resign like now now if I wanted to serve the full notice period. Tetibe je kene buat decision besar. I was sweating. I consulted the two people that understand my current state of mind; Kak Ila and Alya. They both understand the weigh of my current job description, they both know how mentally exhausting it is to continue, plus they both know that I wanted to be a lecturer so of course they are both very supportive of it.

The only problem is, I don't have money. *cry bucket* If I were to resign and be a full time student for a year and a half, woah, I better have some kind of plan to work double shift part time jobs or else, by the end of it all, my house and my car mesti kene lelong dah. and if I am being real, I am not sure that I am ready to let go of my current salary. I am at a point in my life where I myself think I'm rich (this is subjective and I have pretty low standard) so suddenly I got anxiety thinking that I am going to let this all go away in three months.

Why lah we have so many options. If only we have one sehala road, decision making won't be this hard

So I did what I normally do when in crisis. I consulted my old boss, N. I was honest with him. I told him how I haven't work in months, how demotivated I am with work. Thankfully, he understand....because he's currently handling UAE too so he knows how brain dead one can be working for it. He was quick to suggest that I should move role....but can I? I mean I have to at least be here until next February where the planned go live for SAP migration going to take place. I don't think my managers will move me anywhere before that. N, being the wiser person he is, he's like "better they move you than lose a good employee," awwwww. He has no idea how bad I am at work recently.

I am planning to talk to my current lead tomorrow. Pray for me guys.

***

You know how everything has its place and time, this time, as I was struggling with my decision whether to resign or not, this article written by Amal Nadiah caught my eyes. 

Here is a snippet of it,

Of course I couldn’t always be traveling. Unlike the characters in Crazy Rich Asians, I have bills and mortgages to pay, an employer with expectations, and a family I’m very close to. But even on the weeks where I was at home, I stayed true to my commitment of trying to live a full, spontaneous lifestyle. In that spirit, I made a choice to finally try out everything I have been meaning to but never got around to because of ‘life reasons’ (and this could include these excuses but not limited to – I’m too busy, I’m too tired to do anything after work, I don’t see the point, I just feel like being lazy and watching Netflix).

 Go read her article if you want to be inspired. She did so much in one year while having a 9 to 5 job.

ON THE VERGE OF RESIGNING

Sunday, May 26, 2019

RANDOM MOMENT: PROMOTER AUNTIE & DEL

Assalamualaikum

This happened yesterday;

Del, Ikin, Kak Ila and I were doing our weekly Thursday shopping (Aeon Supermarket has a lot of good deals on Thursday yes you're welcome) and this one promoter aunty came and approached us. She was trying to make small talks with us:

Aunty:  U olls kerja ke?

Del    :  haah...dekat sini je. (points to our office building)

Aunty:  Mana?

Del    :  (showed her tag) sini sini.

Aunty:  Ohhhh sini kerje banyak senang kan. Anak Aunty dulu kerje situ. Intern. RMxx. Semua ade. Coffee ada. Cake ada. Buah ada. kerje senang. Download invoices saja. Tak payah sekolah pun boleh buat. kan? Orang bodoh pun boleh kerja. Habis SPM boleh terus kerja sana.

Del    :  haah Aunty. Betul lah tu. Memang bodoh pun boleh buat

Aunty:  Kan. U qualification apa? Belajar mana?

Del    :  Tak belajar Aunty. Lepas SPM terus masuk sini.

Aunty:  Itu la Aunty sudah kata. Kerja situ senang. tapi jangan masuk KPMG. Situ susah. 5 sen pun mau cari.
Del    :  haah senang la Aunty itu boleh shopping -_______-

I was busy laughing my ass off at the side.

Moral of the story is....well, no moral of the story. This is just some random story we experienced randomly in Malaysia. hahahahaha. Anyway, the Aunty was just being a normal Malaysian aunties, a concern citizen. In the beginning she was questioning whatever we had in our trolley (kenape beli beras? sapa nak masak?) and she thought I was 25 and wanted to introduce me to this one Malay guy she knows. You know, typical Malaysian aunties. haha.

The only reason this moment made it into a blogpost is Del. The way I write don't even do justice towards her trolling talent. lol. Membahan orang is her second nature. She can do it effortlessly anytime anywhere. :'P

RANDOM MOMENT: PROMOTER AUNTIE & DEL

Friday, April 19, 2019

BE KIND....ALWAYS

Assalamualaikum

Today, this happen,

A colleague came to find another colleague who's on compassionate leave, Let's just call her G.

G: Do you know where H seats?

Me: *Points at her seat* There...but she's not in today.

G: Why?? *slightly annoyed*

Me: Her mother just passed away.

G: Hish (now looking really annoyed)...when she'll be back?

Me: Either Friday or next week.

G: Okay lah *angrily walks away*

I obviously don't know the full story. For all I know, G really needs H urgently, "right here right now" kind or situation....but....I don't know man...isn't "hish" a bit too much to respond to someone else's bad news? I mean, work is important (debatable), but don't make it so important until it makes us less as a human. Be understanding, be kind, always. 

***

Honestly speaking, I know some people lack empathy, if this is us, try to at least fake condolences before we "hish" the whole situation. Start small, fake it till you make it. I think that's the humane way to go.

BE KIND....ALWAYS

Monday, April 8, 2019

CONFESSION: RAN AWAY

Assalamualaikum

Confession: I often run away...from commitment and responsibilities.

As much as I wanted to be cool, to own up to my mistakes, to be accountable for my work, to be the mature adult, I gET nervous and overwhelm when I am being chase, normally because I  did not submit the final output till the very last moment; both because of my procrastination habit and my inability to say no to almost anyone.

Of course, I always meet the deadline but still, the person behind me must be super nervous that I'll make them look worst in case I did not submit it on time....and me during my ran away face was not helpful either. I can't be contacted (will pretend everything broke down), I literally ran when I see the person chasing me, and so much more none adult behaviour. -__________-

How do most people keep it together? How do you organise your life to be, well, organised? and most importantly, how to not run from responsibilities? how to own it?

I ran so fast you can barely see me right? -_____-"

Like now, me writing this here, is me procastinating my video editing job for my HOD's farewell....people have been texting me asking for an update...deadline? tomorrow is the event. I need help right?

***

[Update after the event]

The event was a success!!! The deco especially, it was so fancayyyy. Mentang mentang lah orang Netherlands punya farewell, cuba kalau orang melayu, pisang goreng je dekat situ....although no offence to pisang goreng u're still delicious :P

As for the video, the ATCM in charge really likes the video. He even asked me to go to his room because apparently, he likes it so much he wanted to know the person behind it (his word not mine). I am just glad that it's finally over. haha. no more staying up late editing video again...yeay!

CONFESSION: RAN AWAY

Thursday, January 10, 2019

LEAVE US ALONE!

Assalamualaikum

Several years ago, when I was introduced to this book "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office," I was like, why the fixation on corner offices? What's so nice about it? If you're the boss and you don't have corner office, is your life not complete? not as awesome as having a corner office? *this is my thoughts during my uni days*

Now that I am working, I can definitely tell you, corner offices are awesome. It has windows! Actual windows with outside view. In an office full of computers and serious people, isn't that a dream; a window.

Andddddddd, do you know where I sit?

ta-daaaaaa! No not the one with the purple pillow. Mine is the other side, not even visible in the picture. Oh the one with that pink strap slippers and shoes box!

Okay not really a corner office, more like a corner cubicle but it's the corner cubicle. The place is so nice, everyone wants it I tell you. The biggest reason is of course the wall, no one can see what you're doing. No need to LLB. You can actually play without worrying your boss might come and surprise you from the back. In the beginning, I have to fight for it with my previous boss. He promised me the seat when he sent me to the battlefield (Dubai), so when I came back, he was seating at the place, my place! Nice me let him have it until his actual transfer day. Luckily it was only for 1 weeks. If it is more than that, I might have secretly move his stuff at night.

Although most of my friends want my place, a big lot of them, especially the extroverts, thought that we should move. The place is so isolated. It's only the three of us in an isolated island, they think that it's too lonely. They want us to move to the mainland (where my other colleagues are); and mingle. 

One funny story, my boss' boss came and he asked my lead to move us, he was like,

Big boss: Why are the GOLD team there? You should move them here.

My boss: I don't have anymore space here.

Big boss: Ya but still. Don't you think they'll feel left out? They are so isolated.

Us: No we're not. We can feel H's (my boss) love from here.

So please don't mind us. We are happy exactly where we are. Leave us alone!

P/S: I should enjoy this while it lasted. I can feel that we might need to move in H2 when the new restructuring wave kicks in T-T

LEAVE US ALONE!

Thursday, December 13, 2018

SIMPLE PLEASURE

Assalamualaikum

One Utama's AEON food section is finally open!!!!!

And, oh friends, let's celebrate the return of our cheap cheat day drinks, Coco Cafe!!!

welcome back my cheap Teh Ais. [Tips: If you're buying from One Utama's Coco Cafe, make sure that auntie in the picture is there. If she's the one who make the drink, you're safe. If it's not her, abort mission!]

Why so excited? It's just a normal groceries store.......to you. To me and my colleagues, Aeon has always been the place where we release stress. It's where we go almost everyday when the clock strikes 5.30pm (okay TBH, not really, sometimes 4 sometimes 4.30 shhhhh don't tell). Sometimes we don't really buy anything. Just browsing, from aisle to aisle, sometimes we got hook on the new items they put on shelf, you know, just window shopping, the normal retail therapy, only instead of cloths or handbag or shoes, they're household items. #domesticgoddess or #makmak #handbagwhat 

So when One Utama's Aeon decided to do some remodeling back in July, we were sad. Where are we going to go for tea time? What about our retail therapy? Come to think of it, this could be the reason why we shop so much in that time frame; July-November, we lost our cheap retail therapy! #alasan You should have seen our jakun face when they opened the first section of the newly remodeled Aeon, we were like kids in a toy store! We were happy about everything. About how neat it looks, how big it is now, the many varieties and brands they carry, the raw food presentations, the ice creams sections, basically everything except for the fact that at that time, the ready-made food area was still not fully opened yet.

Today, they officially open that section, and I am the only one in the office!! Being the good friend that I am, I gave everyone live update on the whole situations. I am one of those crazy ladies whose busy taking picture of everything to whatsapp my friends. Yup one of, because apparently, others were excited about it too. haha. I've seen so many people insta story the new store. I on the other hand, have to go so extra and blog about it to remember for eternity, that there is this one time, where even the opening of Aeon can make me this happy.

Diet what?

So many choices! No longer sadly displayed on just a small rack

If you're into healthy thing #notme

 

More healthy option

Kak Ila's area

 That's all guys. Tata. Now let me enjoy my Teh Ais. :P

SIMPLE PLEASURE

Friday, November 16, 2018

Let it out

Assalamualaikum

Today, before we leave, me and Erlia stopped by Wei Ying's place just to quickly catch up with her....now when I say quick, I don't expect that it's going to be one full hour! haha. She has a lot to say. Work and people have been stressing her out, she's not even smiling anymore! Now, let me tell you something about Wei Ying...she's the type who laughs hysterically as soon as she wakes up, she eats banana to keep herself happy and she is always smiling, regardless of situation. So when someone like that say that she can't even smile anymore, that's alarming.

So we talked, laughed, and talked some more at the end of the conversation, she thank us and she was like, "thank you ah. After talking about it I feel better, I am not angry anymore,". Of course, I scolded her for not coming to me, I have the best workstation on the floor for a reason. It's the best spot to gossip (and badmouth others)! 

Btw, I feel bad. Ever since we change team, I haven't been paying much attention to my old juniors. They are struggling and I know nothing about it. :'( I remember the other day Del was telling how kesian she felt towards Julius and Nana. She stopped by their place on her way to our boss's room and Nana and Julius face lights up like Del was their savior or something. That's sad.

***

I know that everyone cope with stress differently, but I think, for most people, talking helps, so talk and laugh it all out. Not to everyone though...because some negative people might stress you even more, choose who makes you happy, might need a little bit try and error there but you'll find someone. I told Wei Ying even I need weekly dosage of Nanda (my previous previous lead) to stay sane! Find you support system, don't keep everything to yourself. Talk. Let it all out.

Let it out

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Farewell.....again

Assalamualaikum

Today (28/09/18) is Daniel's last day.............and I am feeling shitty right now. I have this special place in my heart for my original INM team. As mentioned earlier, early 2015, almost all the seniors left the team, leaving us, the new joiners of early 2015 as instant seniors of the team. New joiners, no seniors, we bonded over our hardship to learn and adapt to this new company. We were around the same age, from the same nationality, and most of us were still single at the time, we were super close to each others. This are the people that have seen me grow, I've seen them grow, we were together through each milestones.

Then, restructuring happen in October 2017. The company decided to split us. Some stays in the same role, some move on to a new role, some were terminated and some resigned to look for better opportunities. One by one, I started to lose this friends. I lose half of them last year....and now, I am losing Daniel too. This is sad. :'(

Embarrassing photo of Daniel for memory :P

Farewell.....again

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

How was Dubai?

Assalamualaikum

Is a recurring question I received after I came back to work last Tuesday. The more I repeat, the lesser the details I give. One, I got lazier. Two, I forget! haha. #old

Before I forget even more details, I better pin it here.

How was it really?

Work
Well, everything is not as per standardised SWI and standardised template. No one to blame really. They were not part of the Finance Hub. They were a standalone GM. Whatever they have been using and the way they do things, everything is what they thought were the best method available. In the Hub, we have various geomarket and a lot more people to compare notes with, we combine heads and try to find the most effective and efficient way to do things. So yup, it's a bit messy and well, complicated. However, I am positive that once we bring it into our Hub, things are going to be better. (Did I just sound too commercially?)

Country
Much safer than Malaysia. Literally all the streets are monitored by CCTV...functioning CCTV, not just for display. So safe to the extend that you can leave all your valuables unattended, leave it on the restaurant's table, go to the restroom, come back, your valuables would still be there! Dekat Malaysia ni, u were there pun boleh tetibe hilang, inikan pergi toilet, lesap. Shri even said something about how safe it is for children. She said and I quote, "Do you know how stressful it is to bring kids out in Malaysia? Lagi lagi when you want to buy groceries. You kene pick groceries lagi, tengok anak you lagi, I sometimes tinggal je anak I dengan my mom sebab senang sikit. Here (Dubai), I think I can just let them play, lari ke apa ke I think I don't have to worry much,"

Weather
People has been talking about how hot it is during summer. Yes, it's hot we get it.

No. We don't get it. Untill you really experience the hotness, no, you will never get it. The moment we stepped out of the airport, we were like, "oh panas,". When you went outdoor, you feel like you went into a huge outdoor sauna. That's how bad it is. sauna weh sauna. The hot summer weather of Dubai makes Malaysia's hot tropical weather like meh, sejuk je rupanya Malaysia ni.

Food
Nothing can compare to Malaysian food. period. Thank God for a country with people who loves spicy food with lots of msg and salt.

How was Dubai?

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Getting myself back

Assalamualaikum

Hi hi....I think I am finally back... back as in 3 post a week kind of back. for real. 

The past 4 months have been challenging. It was my first time doing Qatar filing, what with my SDM went on leave for 3 months, I have to handle EVERYTHING. Solo. Which quite honestly, I never did anything solo before. In India, everything is teamwork. My previous lead structured our team as if we were in an audit firm. Everyone works on the same audit and help each other. So to move from that to do everything by myself, it's tiring and lonely.

So now Alhamdulillah, everything has been settled. We filed all companies on time...wohoooo. Although the last day itself was a sprint. The accounts and tax filings were signed and filed on the the 30th itself. phewh!

Other than work, a lot have been happening in my personal life as well. Went to Sheila on 7 concert, bought a house, cleaned up my wardrobe and gone minimalist, played tourist in JB, had a reunion with MRSM gang, had major skin breakout (omg!), went to Redang with BDOpeeps, subscribed to Scribd, Faiz is now employed!, and the most recent one, went to Disneyland! eh no, the most recent one is actually decided to move on from a year long crush. haha. It's a long list! I'll update them slowly to this blog....better late than never right. 

I have to anyway. That's a promise that I make to myself this year, to live a more diligent life and this blog is crucial to an INFJ me. In case you're wondering why, try google INFJ and writing you'll understand. To quote one blog, "Without attending to their need for creative expression, however, INFJ can quickly become ill or experience physical systems of being “blocked,” including skin problems, headaches, digestive ailments and sleep disorders". This is serious business! Speaking of which, I just knew that my favourite blogger, Azreenchan is also an INFJ. No wonder I feel so connected to her words!

Till Friday, tata.

Getting myself back

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Career ladder....no thanks

Assalamualaikum

I'm back! not back as in 3-posts-a-week-kinda-back, that is still hard to do unless I write 3 posts straight today (Saturday).....we'll see.

In the past week, my bosses have been asking me what I want in life. Do I want a promotion? Do I want a raise? Do I want statutory? Do I want tax? What do I want?

I wasn't ready for the questions. I wanted time to think but time was also something I did not have. They wanted the answer almost immediately I was force to think fast.

"I want a simpler role. I want the classic 9-5 job,"

ok it wasn't that smooth. I stuttered, I mixed up my words, at one point I even said something lazy like "I want less job"....who wants to hire me raise your hand! anyone? no one? :(

Anyway, you get the point. In short, I don't want work to be my everything. I don't dream to climb the career ladder I don't care about promotion or a raise (ok this is a lie...I want a raise as long as it does not come with more work). I simply need a job just to pay my bills and to fulfill all my wants =P.

Am I always this dream-less? no. In fact, I am so full of dreams I can't focus. Among the things I want to be; lecturer (it used to be teacher but this changes when I realised teacher got paid much less #stillmaterialisic), counselor, videographer, writer, stationery/craft shop owner and the latest addition, succulent vendor.

I know right, why so greedy? Can't I focus? I can't. haha. All of that are things that I really love to do so to forgo one in favor of the other is just wrong. I don't think my life would be complete without any one of them #dramamuch.

That is why I need a much simpler job. I need more time for my hobbies. =P and my company is willing to give me just that....a simpler job. Now the ball is in my court. Now it is my time to decide. What would I decide?

Career ladder....no thanks

Sunday, April 8, 2018

2017 Performance appraisal

As usual, beginning of the year is appraisal time....and to be completely honest, I did not know what to expect. I wrote about feeling like a loser; things hasn't change much since then. 

The beauty about performance appraisal is, no matter how introvert you are, under the name of performance appraisal, you and your manager have to sit together and review your performance. Although I was appraised by my previous talkative manager, for the review, I have to sit with my current manager, another introvert. lol.

So in a confine office room, there sit two introverts, trying our best not to faint in an already awkward setting....My manager started the conversation, well, he had too, he's the one who called me over lol....he thanked me for my service bla bla bla and he told me my grade and he explained why I can no longer get what I used to get he sounds too apologetic which honestly speaking, he shouldn't be...because that's what I expected anyway. I know what's coming. I know that I have been stagnant for almost a year now. Don't get me wrong, I still perform outstandingly but things are so much different now. When I first join, they did not expect me to be this good and when I prove my worth, I exceed their expectation...but now, they've known me for 3 years, they know me and what I am capable of...so nowaday, I am just someone who meet expectation. Cold hard truth.

Back to the story, after he finished, he asked if I have anything to add, anything to highlight, which normally I'll reply with "no I am good" but not this time. This time, I have to let myself heard. I have to let him know that I am struggling. Told him how insignificant I felt at meetings because of my lack of knowledge (most junior in the meeting), my struggle to just cope with everything,

He replied,

"I understand. In fact, I am struggling too. I am also new to this position. I don't know a lot of things too I kept going to my manager for answers and believe me, the senior staffs are struggling with the new job scope too. They don't know a lot of things. The truth is, there is no specific knowledge or skill sets required for a position. We are all just people trying to cope with things and we will learn along the way, you will too, Insyaallah."

We learn along the way.

I did not expect that I needed this. Almost tear up right there and then but nope, gotta keep tough. haha. We learn along the way. It is really that simple. and what he say is true too. Almost similar to what I heard from Jerry Seinfeld on Comedians in Cars (yup, I quote comedy show) recently,

"You don't need to know anything. Everything you need to know, you'll figure it out when you need to know it. Even if you miscalculate and make the wrong decision, you needed to know that,"

I've been taking things one step at a time after that.

***

Wei Ying came to me later that day looking very stress because she don't know a lot of things, but people expect more from her, pushing her from left and right. I laughed. Sounds familiar? I recycle everything that my manager said to me; to her. lol. Life is really a circle!

2017 Performance appraisal

Friday, March 2, 2018

Underperformance

Is something that I suffer from almost everyday....a lot of the time, I feel like a loser....no, not on my personal life. Personal life wise, everything is a-okay I couldn't be happier. I am talking about work wise. I think it's the combination of both having to handle new region and promoted to a new job description...both are new to me and new things are scary. It's been over 3 months now and I still haven't adjusted.

It got worse in meetings. I am the most junior member with at least 4 years gap with the person before me how can I not feel out of place? They keep talking, discussing, words flying here and there; me, I sit there, in silent, sometime with my mouth wide open.

Do I think this promotion came to soon? Sometime I do. Sometime I even wish someone would demote me problem solve. But, when INM (region that I take care previously) people came to me, asking me stuff about INM, I know why I get this promotion. I know what my managers see in me. Allow me to brag, I am like the sifu of INM. In only 3 years, I know the region in and out. When in INM, I have this reputation of being a fast leaner and is really really good at what I do.

Too much? haha. what. I know myself; what I can and can't do. I am not the kind to underestimate my achievement.....but I am also not the kind to overcompensating my failure.

Overnight, I turn from this over performer to this really really low performer.

In last month reporting, I made so many formula errors, I would scold myself if I am my manager. Come on! It's not even technical error, formula error weeehh. My manager is frustrated with me he kept ccing my predecessor whenever I make mistake. How humiliating is that? I wanted to run so bad (talk about commitment issue).

I am like this succulent, going to die, but not yet.

However, for the sake of my future self reading this, I also wanted you to know, that this is not solely your fault. There is a lot on your plate right now and compared to INM, you have lesser support now. Your direct supervisor is new, your region manager is very hands off, and your SDM, well, she's on leave for 3 freaking month during peak period! so yeah, a lot of things were happening at once. Situation make you perform less....I think. lol. I don't know..whatever make you feel better babe. :P

If you're looking for a conclusion, nope, don't have one. Haven't find a solution yet. What I do find however, is this book I recently hear (audiobook) on "Lean in, Women, Work, and The Will to Lead" there was a paragraph about opportunity.

"Fake it till you feel it. Feeling confident, or pretending that you feel confident, is necessary to reach for opportunity. It's a cliche, but opportunities are rarely offered, they're ceased. There is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunity and make opportunity fit for you rather than the other way around."

So I 'm going to fake it guys. I am going to take this opportunity and I am going to fake everything. I am going to fake that I know what I do. I am going to fake that I am not humiliated by all those cc email. I am going to fake that I am tougher than this. Fake it till I really feel it or till I leave whichever comes first. :P

Underperformance

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Another school after university

Last week, I had a long overdue catch up session with Yati. Alya was there too but I see her all the time so let's not focus on her :P

We updated each other about mostly work, and a little bit about our non-existence love life (because let's admit it what's a catch up session without this kind of stories)

***

One of the things that we discussed that day is about life after audit...about when to move and how it is after moving etc etc. Several of our friends recently move out of audit and they had been saying the same thing, they sometime regret they move out. However, when asked whether they want to become a partner, everyone said no.

As someone who'd moved out myself, I know really well how hard the transition period is. For starter, it's lonely. Audit is like another school after university. Almost everyone is fresh. That is our first job. Our first step into this scary adult life. We bonded over the hardship, the difficulties to survive. Jumping to commercial, it feels like a graduation. Finally, this is it. This is the real world. Now you are accountants, analysts, managers to your new company. The responsibility that comes with it, it's scary. I am not saying that auditors have less responsibility, they have a lot more work with a lot more things to look at but the focus is just so different now. You are not just auditing, now, you are the owner of the accounts. Everything you do, is part of a bigger picture, it affects decision made by your bosses....and if you are managers, managers in commercial is definitely not the same as managers in audit. their position is a lot higher than audit, and you know what comes with higher job title? loneliness. No matter how much you try, your subordinates know you are their boss and no matter how good as a boss you are, nobody wants to be close to a boss. #sadreality

So, this is what I've been telling my friends who regret their decision to move out although they don't want to become partners,

"You don't miss audit, you miss your friends, and the carefree life,"

Speaking of which, something really heart breaking happened to Yati recently. If you're still wondering, of course she's not okay. Who could be? I know I wouldn't. but what helps according to her, is the support system she gets from our friends. The day it happened, Hasan asked her "kereta mana kau nak calarkan?," some even go so extra like, "takpe kau still 10/10 dalam hati aku," *puke* whatevs the point is, support system. That's what so great about being in audit. The relationship goes beyond just simply colleagues, we're friends.

***

At the end of it all, we concluded, that we (me, Alya and Yati) are not manager material. Lol that's so random....or is it not? :P That's the conclusion we arrive after a long discussion on why we have less and lesser motivation to work these days. Why we think we perform less compared to past years....and the one thing we all have in common is our recent change in role and job description. We are of the opinion that we can perform well when we are the one preparing instead of reviewing, hence, the not manager material conclusion...or in me and Alya's case, not Analyst material.

That's what we conclude but the thing is, do we want to become stagnant? We have to improve somehow. I still can't decide whether is this really not for us or we simply lack training.

***

About love stories, jeng jeng jeng :P I can't believe Yati bought it when Alya tricked her that she's getting married. I mean, we are bad liars! We even tersengih at each other the whole time how can she not see it? so innocent this girl.

Another school after university

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

The day I handed out my wedding invitation

not. haha. pantas clarify in case you too, are the serious types like my colleagues (boo) who takes my jokes all too serious.

Assalamualaikum

Several days ago, Mira stopped by to give me her wedding invitations of which I have to distribute to all our colleagues. Cue: Me, with white envelope walking around the office.

First victim was Haziq,

Me: Nah, wedding invitation I

Haziq: *looking very serious* eh congrats!

Me: oh thank you!

Haziq:*Still starring at me...grinning*

IN MY HEAD, this sounds funny. He should open the envelope, realise that it's not mine and he'll condemn me for a minute then we'll laugh.

but man, this guy is tough! he's not opening the envelope! Scared, I clarified

Me: weh bukan I la. Mira punya

Haziq: *Still starring* krik krik

Of course, I never learn...so I tried one more time with Julius,

Me: Hi, this is for you, my wedding invitation!

Julius: Really? Hey congratulation!!! *looking genuinely happy that seriously I feel touch like can I get married right now just to please this guy*

Me: *scared* awwww thank you....but honestly, this is Amira's..

Julius: pfttttt......I thought it was yours! I was happy for you...please, whenever you get married just tell me, i'll be there...even if I am not in Malaysia, I'll come back! *seriously, I need to please this guy, can someone marry me already. -_________- *

***

This time, I learn my lesson. I wasn't going to trick Daniel, but he saw me walking from afar, holding a stack of white envelopes, he screamed from his place,

"Awwww congratulation!"

-______________-

The day I handed out my wedding invitation

Sunday, January 14, 2018