As usual, beginning of the year is appraisal time....and to be completely honest, I did not know what to expect. I wrote about feeling like a loser; things hasn't change much since then.
The beauty about performance appraisal is, no matter how introvert you are, under the name of performance appraisal, you and your manager have to sit together and review your performance. Although I was appraised by my previous talkative manager, for the review, I have to sit with my current manager, another introvert. lol.
So in a confine office room, there sit two introverts, trying our best not to faint in an already awkward setting....My manager started the conversation, well, he had too, he's the one who called me over lol....he thanked me for my service bla bla bla and he told me my grade and he explained why I can no longer get what I used to get he sounds too apologetic which honestly speaking, he shouldn't be...because that's what I expected anyway. I know what's coming. I know that I have been stagnant for almost a year now. Don't get me wrong, I still perform outstandingly but things are so much different now. When I first join, they did not expect me to be this good and when I prove my worth, I exceed their expectation...but now, they've known me for 3 years, they know me and what I am capable of...so nowaday, I am just someone who meet expectation. Cold hard truth.
Back to the story, after he finished, he asked if I have anything to add, anything to highlight, which normally I'll reply with "no I am good" but not this time. This time, I have to let myself heard. I have to let him know that I am struggling. Told him how insignificant I felt at meetings because of my lack of knowledge (most junior in the meeting), my struggle to just cope with everything,
He replied,
"I understand. In fact, I am struggling too. I am also new to this position. I don't know a lot of things too I kept going to my manager for answers and believe me, the senior staffs are struggling with the new job scope too. They don't know a lot of things. The truth is, there is no specific knowledge or skill sets required for a position. We are all just people trying to cope with things and we will learn along the way, you will too, Insyaallah."
We learn along the way.
I did not expect that I needed this. Almost tear up right there and then but nope, gotta keep tough. haha. We learn along the way. It is really that simple. and what he say is true too. Almost similar to what I heard from Jerry Seinfeld on Comedians in Cars (yup, I quote comedy show) recently,
"You don't need to know anything. Everything you need to know, you'll figure it out when you need to know it. Even if you miscalculate and make the wrong decision, you needed to know that,"
I've been taking things one step at a time after that.
***
Wei Ying came to me later that day looking very stress because she don't know a lot of things, but people expect more from her, pushing her from left and right. I laughed. Sounds familiar? I recycle everything that my manager said to me; to her. lol. Life is really a circle!
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