Depression

Assalamualaikum

*WARNING*

THIS IS A DEPRESSING POST. PROCEED WITH CARE. sorry.

***

While waiting for the actual 2015 Infinity Challenge Music Festival to air, I've been re watching 2013 festival related episodes and suddenly, something shocking happen.

I cry.

I cry!

to "Yes, we are together"

As I am writing this, I want to pick just one line to sum it all, a line that really got me crying... but I can't.....cause I cry from the very first line (Jaesuk's "there's something I want to tell you") till the end ("Yes we're together")

sigh.

I think it's time to admit, I need help. I'm depressed, for real. Real real.

I haven't smile or laugh properly for like 2 weeks....It is not that I don't want to, I just can't.

I don't know. There is something very wrong with my life right now.....and I don't know who to turn to. Me, writing this here, is a cry for help.

well,

to be completely honest, I think I know the source. 

Only the problem is, I can't afford to cut the source. I can't live without it and I don't think everyone around me will agree with me 'cutting the source'.

It requires me to sacrifice everything. Every single thing that I work hard for all this while. Something that I have become really good at but don't have passion to.

Worst is, if I "cut the source", I don't actually know what to do after that. I don't know what I want! What I know is I am very very very tired of living and I don't think I want to do this for long.

Oops! Sorry for sounding suicidal. It's not about dying, I assure you. Amalan tak banyak lagi. I just want to hide somewhere. Somewhere far.

Is this a phase or something that I would feel forever?

"Yes, it’s alright, you did well
You endured through the hard days and survived
Don’t lose the dreams you kept
This isn’t it, smiling days will come for sure
It’s alright, you did well
Being lost today will become a past memory
When the cool wind blows, let’s share good stories
Let’s walk through the times together
I like you because it’s you
Yes, we are together"

only for me, it's me alone. not "together".

*UPDATED*

Yesterday at work I listen to the final version of the song (the one that I was crying to is when they were recording it on Hee Yeol's studio, not the complete version).

I laugh so hard! Best laugh I had in weeks.

In the complete version, Jaesuk use his nasal voice, Hyung Chul's tone deaf becomes so obvious, Haha is Haha, Junha is Junha. You know who sounds the best? Park Myung Soo!!!

LOL.