Assalamualaikum
What a good weekend looks like when you're 28?
Stay in and do nothing.
#ageiscatchingup
Anyway, since I have a little bit of time today, I thought I write myself a reminder. Something that I keep forgetting.
"Not all the people that leave you or the one that you left are toxic to you. Sometimes, you are the toxic. You are the person they needed to be free from,"
I am tired about something. I want out. I want a fresh start. I want to leave a person. And being an INFJ, I know I have "door slam" issue. I know that once I really decide, there is no turning back. Once it's decided, no matter how hard you try, there is no more door to be open. There will only be walls....hard brick walls.
So this time, before I decide, I called Ayu. I told her how tiring this is, how self destructive this is, how I wanted out, how I needed to be out. I still care, I will always care.....obviously....but for myself, for my own mental health, I think, it is best for me to move on.
What do you think Ayu?
She lectured me with the same thing she told me before I started this whole mess in the first place. "I told you it's going to be difficult. I told you to not expect anything. I told you that you have to be patient,"
Patient.
I thought I have it in me. I thought I am stronger that this. I guess I have been overestimating myself. Then I started to think ugly-ly. I started to think that maybe this person is toxic to me....maybe this person is someone bad for me.
*slap myself*
What if, I am the bad one, I am the toxic. Maybe, that person need me out of his/her life for him/her to grow. Maybe, I am the person who pulls that person down. Maybe, me, letting go is the best thing that could happen to that person?
The thing is, there is nothing wrong about looking high on yourself, that level of self-awareness is important but what is wrong here is looking down on others. Everyone has potential to be better. Maybe, what's wrong at the moment is timing. Not because one is better than the other. Both are equally good, but maybe, not for each other. Two different people in a different stage of life. Maybe, that, is this.
Post a Comment