HI HI! Happy balik dari holiday! hehe. ade ke orang wish happy balik? did I mention I duduk shah alam sorang2 during holiday?
pity me?
don't be! I love it! I got so many time to myself. though most of the time I membazir masa je, I love it. I don't have to entertain others and concentrate only to myself. no need to jaga hati orang and all.
don't everybody need their own 'me time'? you don't? well I do. I really cherish my me time. especially during this time around. you know, times when u were soooo busy, u went off track and lose focus then suddenly u'll be like 'what am I doing with my life?'.
Honestly, I hate part 8. I thought it would be different. I thought I'll cherish it and enjoy myself since this will be the last semester we'll be spending time, studying together. me and my UiTM friends. then we got sooo busy, with assignment, presentation and all, we don't even have time for ourselves, let alone to play with our friends. look at our weekends. test? module? presentation? urrrrrggggh.
I hate it so much, I lose focus. I skipped so many classes! if I pergi pun, I always late. I told Ain that I was so malas to go to class and she was like, 'eleeeeeh, malas kau pun tak seteruk kome (I for pahang people)' and I was like 'lagi teruk!', all my room mates pun angguk, agreeing. nampak betapa teruk? I lagi teruk dari Ain!
so this holiday, since I have so many time for myself, I have time to think (muhasabah diri, haha), about everything. about my past, present, future. what am I doing with my life? I always want this and that for my future, but if my present is soooo dark and gloomy like this, will I be able to achieve my desired future? will I?
My MAF 640 lecturer once questioned, 'do you HAVE to or you CHOOSE to?'
like sembahyang. 'have to or choose to?' we went for 'have to' but really? you HAVE to sembahyang? or you CHOOSE to sembahyang? If you say you have to, do your body automatically control itself and suddenly perform solah? yes, if we don't sembahyang dapat dosa then masuk neraka so we think we have to sembahyang but sebenarnya you choose to sembahyang. why? sebab you tak nak Allah marah lepas tu masuk neraka. we CHOOSE path that will bring us to Jannah. isn't it?
so when you reasoned something, don't say you have to. actually you 'choose to'. and choices always come with opportunity cost. If you choose something, you forgo something. that's your choice. you have to be responsible with all the consequences that come with the decision.
I think I got my 'light bulb' moment. moment yang macam 'zaaaaap', tusuk terus masuk jantung. the turning point moment. moment that changes everything. even the way I think about things.
Alhamdulillah.
I know, I may forget, and lose track again, in the future, but as long as this post stays in this blog, I hope I'll always be reminded of.
'even for a moment, I want to be happy.'
AthirahFauzi : BigBang will be coming a day after AidilAdha. what will I choose? to go or not to go? aaaaar dilema!
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