Assalamualaikum.
This year is a difficult year for me and Emak. Emak has been pushing me to get married and I am uncomfortable with all the pushing.
From my mum point of view, I am of age to get married. She benchmark me with herself. She was engaged when she's 24.
From my point of view, I am only 24!!!
I have a lot of years ahead of me so why the rush? :(
Marriage is no joking matter. to me, marriage is all about sharing and responsibilities. You have to be ready for it. You have to be ready to share your life with someone else and the responsibilities that comes with it, Masyaallah, so huge!!
As of now, I am not ready for it. I am not ready to think/care about someone else other than me. I still value my personal time and I still like to be with me, myself and I only. There are still so much more that I need to complete before I settle down.
How could I love/care for someone else if I don't even know who I am?
I want to define myself. I don't want to be recognised as someone else's other half. someone else's wife. I want people to look at me and actually KNOW me for who I truly am and not 'eh, is that XX's wife?'
I am Athirah and I can take care of myself, thank you. I didn't live the past 24 years only with the aim to get married. Marriage is only one of my dreams. It's not my only dream.
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As when I will be ready, that is up to universe to decide. If it's written that it's going to happen tomorrow, then tomorrow it is. until it's time, I am going to live my life the way I want it. okay? :D
***
'Tak jealous ke kawan semua dah nak kahwin?'
I am truly happy for them. I wish that their years ahead will only be filled with happiness and laughter. I wish them well. but tipu kalau tak jealous. despite all that have been said, I am still a woman. I still want what others want. My own little family. but it's not my time, yet. It's theirs. Their time has come. It's what had been written for them. not me.
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