CURRENT EMOTIONAL STATE

Assalamualaikum

Warning: If you're my friend, I guess, you have to be careful what you say to/with me. It can be use as blog material. hehe.

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This is a discussion that I had with Ain during Raya,

I mentioned countless of time that us, todakian has similar personality...well, it's more like Ain, Ayu and I. Some are good, some are bad. One of it is this,

We never earnestly wish for something. Even if we want something, we never dive with both our feet

I am exactly like that and surprisingly, I find two people who's so similar to me we understand each other. This can be good, this can be bad, depending how you see it.

The good side of having this personality is that we'll never get hurt...even if we really wish for something, we  always put one foot out and open to the probability of it never happening. We avoid drama at all cause. Our life is pretty simple. We do ONLY what we think we're capable of and of course, if the result is good, we would be happy but if it doesn't, we feel slight disappointment for about a nano second and moved on since we kind of expected the bad result already.

The bad side of it is, we have never really work hard for what we want. 

Ain thinks that the bad side is just another wording for the good side I wrote earlier. They're basically the same but depending on how you see it, only you can decide which is which. We obviously still think that it's a good thing however, as I got older, I slowly started to think that it might be bad after all.

Remember this prank by Alya? As how I wrote it before, I had wished for something to really happen 8 years ago and I did something about it but while doing it I sort of expected the result would be bad and when it turns out to be it, I accepted it real cool. I mean, if it were other people, they would have balled their eyes out. I wrote that I thought I moved on which I found out recently that I didn't. I think this might be because though I thought I gave my all, I haven't really do my best which is why the lingering feeling is still there. I wanted it then and I still want it now. 

The problem now is am I willing to put my all? Am I willing to put both feet forward and try my best for that? What if I get hurt?