If only someone cared

Assalammualaikum

So, Jonghyun committed suicide. I would lie if I were to say this does not affect me at all. I am not a Shinee fan, but I know Jonghyun because his name is always there together with GD whenever there is an article about list of idols with extra talent. Emphasis on extra. When someone that rich, with so much talent, bright future to look forward to, committed suicide, you can't help but wonder, where and what went wrong.

His suicide note was depressing as well. It is not like he did not asked for help, he did, but....well, just read it for yourself. No wonder he felt alone. No wonder he felt like the world have fail him.

All he wanted was for someone to say he did a good job. He worked hard... T-T

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Side note: for my non k-pop fan readers, for you to empathise with the situation, I am going to tell you quickly about k-pop idols. To be a K-pop idol, one must train for God knows how many years on composing, dancing, singing, language, basically everything before they can debut and to debut, one must compete with hundreds of trainees for a spot in that 6 members idol group. Competition are fierce, chances are slim. They have to work really hard to survive. If they fail to debut by the time they're around 25, they have to find other jobs because obviously, this is not for them anymore and this also mean years of hard work and dedication account to nothing. Even if they do become idol, even if they debuted, major portion of their income will be deducted to repay back the company for all the training they gave previously. So now, the situation is, work so much but got paid pennies. It's not as glamorous as how we see it is.

It's no surprise that a lot of them see psychiatrist.

Depresion is real. Real real. Having fall into depression myself in 2015 and once again earlier this year, I understand how bad it is.This year one is much worst than 2015, I have to revert back the post I've published to draft because seriously, it's too dark I don't want it to become my legacy. Some snippets from that post,

"Why do growing up has to be this hard?

So what is the correlation with social media accounts then?

The thing is, I hate my life. I hate my reality. I hate that I have become materialistic. I hate that I can't move on. I hate that I am stubborn. I hate that I don't know how to save as a result leaving me dead poor. Most importantly, I hate myself.

and I believe, people who hate themselves don't deserve a social media account. Social media is for happy things, inspiring things, or even crazy fun things. I have none of that in my life right now. So bye social media, for now. "

Mine is the minor one....wait....scratch that...no depression is minor. That's our mistake. Just because the problem seems small to us, we treat it lightly...We are not in that person's shoes. We don't understand wholly how this affect that person. Each person feels things differently. So something that may seems so small to you is actually a serious problem to that other person. and when things like suicide happen, you wonder what happen...there were no signs you say.

There were signs...we just choose to ignore them.

Even in 13 reason why, the day that Hannah decided to commit suicide, she went to see her counselor! She wanted someone to stop her, to give her reason to live, to tell her everything will be okay...

Suicide can be stopped. If we just show that we care....but got to admit, that's hard to do too. Everyone is just so busy and self centered these days....no one has time to care, me included. what a scary world we live in.

One of the songs written by Jonghyun. Hope you find comfort in it.