Don't apologize for who you are and what you want

Assalamualaikum

So, I did the MBTI test....again. I did it once in high school, once again few years back because of Ain, this time, it was for Erlia. and my result has always been the same. I have always been consistent...and here I thought that I've change.

I always know what my result is...never been bothered by it...like "oh I am an INFJ," then I forget the whole shabang but recently, Yati kept stressing about how true I am to my personality type, everything I did she kept, "hmmmm INFJ memang macam ni," "tu la INFJ," "Kau memang INFJ," I got curious like what's the big deal?

As it turns out, it is a big deal....because apprarently, MBTI is legit. They really did their research and if you took the test, and if you carefully read the description of your personality, really read into it, not just screen through it like I did earlier, read it, you'll be scared at how accurate it is.

To be honest, I was disappointed. Most of the description about me are things that I don't like about myself. Things that I wish I could change. And to have a scientific research slap you in the face with the cold hard truth, on how that is my inner core, my true personality, whether I want it or not, it is definitely not a pleasant feeling.

Like for starter, I so wanted to be confident in, well, everything...and to be funny as well. like Hyori or Vivy or Princessmeenie....and to know that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be like them, it's devastating. Well technically, I could still try and it could still happen but the odds are really low. 

AND, to know that I will always be the one to love more; because according to my personality, once I fall, I fall deep. And to know that most of my relationships are going to be one sided, because that other person can never feel the kind of love I feel, -_______________- I know right, this is deep stuff. I just dislike the whole idea because I hate to lose lol because according to the rule, the one who loves more always loses.

After several months pondering about it, today, yes today, exactly today, I decided to just be lenient on myself. No more changing who I am. If nerdy it is, nerdy I am going to be. And if I am going to lose anyway, I might as well just tell/show everyone how much I love them. No more holding back. No more calculating things. I am going to do what I am most comfortable with and I won't apologize for that. Because according to Alex from Pretty Little Liars,

"Don't apologize for who you are and what you want,"

yup. be prepared for a lot more nerdy stuff.