Assalamualaikum
Despite all the mistakes that I've done, the forgotten promises, the missing prayers, really, despite my long list of bad deeds, Allah, the most merciful, the forgiver, the greatest, our Creator, He never give up on me. He keep blessing me with good stuff that honestly, if I were the grateful type, I literally have nothing to complain about.
But of course, it's me. I am not a pious person, well, I try to be, but I am not....yet. So although I wanted to be completely grateful, to be completely content with my life, I am so faaaaaaaaaaar from that. Don't get me wrong...I am happy most of the time...I am truly bless with the best of everything but even with all that, being a normal human as I am, sometimes, I dwell on things that I don't have.
This happen recently.
I have been thinking a lot about this one thing that I don't have yet, I kept asking Allah why I don't have it yet. I know He's listening but why wasn't I answered? I wanted to believe with all my heart that His plan is always better....that I'll know later, why he made me wait....but man, it's tough. Especially with what happen recently, I needed that one thing the most now more than ever. Even with the very little good deeds that I've done, I dare to ask, The Almighty, am I not worthy of his love and compassion? Why does He ignore me?
Then, something unexpected happen.
I couldn't go to Medan (audit boooo).....The obvious option is to just burn the ticket. However, a day after I know that I couldn't go, the flight got rescheduled and AirAsia asked whether I agree with the new timing or do I want to cancel my flight and get a refund! I mean, what is this timing?!
Something even more ridiculous happen later that day.
Even with the rezeki I've been blessed in the form of my refunded ticket, I still think about the thing I wanted from earlier, all throughout my one hour drive from work to my house. I was thinking about that and KFC. lol. Ni semua Erlia punya pasal she had it for lunch alone I was really trying to control myself but at the end I lost I asked for a tiny piece.....#noselfcontrol. but she bought the salted egg thing now it made me craved for the normal spicy one! haih. So I was thinking about that, those two things, at that moment KFC more than the other, and when I reached home, do you know what I was greeted with? KFC!!!! One whole bucket of spicy fried chicken! This is pure happiness.
He did it again. He surprises me with things that I don't even know I wanted (except for that KFC) and why am I still this ungrateful? *facepalm* This is one of the things I struggle a lot on a daily basis. I try so hard to be grateful and trust me sometimes I do. I can be completely content one day and be so ungrateful the next day.
It's a yoyo...but that's how iman is right? bertambah dan berkurang? What more with the hardworking devils we have around us, it's tough. I hope, later, when I become ungrateful again, this post will serve as a reminder that I should not. Allah knows His timing. He will give it to me whenever He thinks I'm ready. Even if He doesn't, I know He has much better plan for me, He had proven this countless of time.
This happen recently.
I have been thinking a lot about this one thing that I don't have yet, I kept asking Allah why I don't have it yet. I know He's listening but why wasn't I answered? I wanted to believe with all my heart that His plan is always better....that I'll know later, why he made me wait....but man, it's tough. Especially with what happen recently, I needed that one thing the most now more than ever. Even with the very little good deeds that I've done, I dare to ask, The Almighty, am I not worthy of his love and compassion? Why does He ignore me?
Then, something unexpected happen.
I couldn't go to Medan (audit boooo).....The obvious option is to just burn the ticket. However, a day after I know that I couldn't go, the flight got rescheduled and AirAsia asked whether I agree with the new timing or do I want to cancel my flight and get a refund! I mean, what is this timing?!
Something even more ridiculous happen later that day.
Even with the rezeki I've been blessed in the form of my refunded ticket, I still think about the thing I wanted from earlier, all throughout my one hour drive from work to my house. I was thinking about that and KFC. lol. Ni semua Erlia punya pasal she had it for lunch alone I was really trying to control myself but at the end I lost I asked for a tiny piece.....#noselfcontrol. but she bought the salted egg thing now it made me craved for the normal spicy one! haih. So I was thinking about that, those two things, at that moment KFC more than the other, and when I reached home, do you know what I was greeted with? KFC!!!! One whole bucket of spicy fried chicken! This is pure happiness.
He did it again. He surprises me with things that I don't even know I wanted (except for that KFC) and why am I still this ungrateful? *facepalm* This is one of the things I struggle a lot on a daily basis. I try so hard to be grateful and trust me sometimes I do. I can be completely content one day and be so ungrateful the next day.
It's a yoyo...but that's how iman is right? bertambah dan berkurang? What more with the hardworking devils we have around us, it's tough. I hope, later, when I become ungrateful again, this post will serve as a reminder that I should not. Allah knows His timing. He will give it to me whenever He thinks I'm ready. Even if He doesn't, I know He has much better plan for me, He had proven this countless of time.
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