That was a click bait. hahahahahaha.
Assalamualaikum
Today (14/02), after our dinner with Bedah, me and Alya had a lonnnnng (8 malam sampai pukul 11 okay) catch up session about life in general.
"We used to have a dream,"
but somehow, somewhere, at a point in time, we started settling for mediocre. [Disclaimer; from this point onwards I am not bragging, I am just trying to make a point]. We have been average for so long we forget that we were once among the best. We were top students. We're MRSM graduates for God sake. We used to think that we could be anything....but look at us now, day-in day-out, doing the bare minimum, merely existing when we should be living.
I admire people who have dreams and are brave enough to push through. My colleague S is such an inspiration. He's resigning to pursuit his dream; to be a pilot. How cool is that? I mean, that's a really big jump. He'll be changing career completely. He'll be leaving his stable career for something uncertain. He has to start over with no assurance that he'll succeed. He knows all this.........yet, he's still willing to take up the challenge.
#standingovation
Alya is determine to figure out what her dreams are by end of 2019.
"Writing,"
I used to dream to be a writer. EH no. I dream to be a writer...I still want to be one, tapi tu lah, I don't have the courage and the mentality to be one, at least for now. I always assume the worst. TBH, even if I really really want something, that "eh takkan lah boleh dapat," mentality is still there. I don't think I'll succeed, so I never try, I don't think I have the strength to withstand the heart break IF I don't succed. IF. That's the thing. I am fearing IF. -_____________- Even if I have the courage, where do I start? What should I study? Should I study Literature? Language? What's the difference? Which one is more important, idea or grammar? Is lack of content worst that grammatical error? (My english is terrible I don't know how you guys can reach this far -___- ) What defines a good writer? #sispening
As any good friend would do, Alya encourages me to go for it, "kau boleh, aku tak. Aku suka je tulis2 tapi aku tak boleh jadi writer. Kau boleh," she said. Wait what? What does that even mean? She elaborated further, "Kau memang serious, so bila ko tulis something, senang orang nak take it seriously. Aku suka jugak tulis2 ni, tapi tu lah, orang mesti tak percaya yang tu aku yang tulis,". Point taken. (BTW, this further prove the point that Farid has been trying to make for yearssss, "Kakak tak cool,".
But she also encourages me to go more public about this blog. Promote this everywhere. Well well well, if you've been reading this blog since the beginning, you would know, this is the hard part!!! It took me yearssssss before I can include the blog link on my instagram info, then it took me another year to occasionally post about this blog on my insta story, now what, I need to promote it???? My introvert cells are shivering right now!!
We'll see.
"Consistently inconsistent,"
We also talk about how weirdly inconsistent we are. We could be saying one thing today, then do the exact opposite the next day, then we regret it and we beat ourselves for doing the mistakes. This has been the source of our stress our entire life. For example, Us: I want to be a good daughter to my parents; also us: *lie lazily on bed while our mothers wash the laundry, vacuum the house, cook and etc* -______________- Another example > Me: I am a feminist. I'll fight for injustice; Also me: *someone makes a sexist not-funny jokes* hahahahahaha.
I freaking laugh! It's not funny it's sexist, what did I do? Laugh!!!
Of course we know this has to change but man it's hard!
"Moving on,"
I have reach nirvana on this topic. hahahahaha. I am the master of moving on.....I have successfully clean myself from any sort of longing, regrets, resentment towards anything from the past.....but TBH, it's something that comes with maturing and getting old and try and error and a lot of wisdom. So when Alya asked me how, I was like, "Sorry, macam takkan boleh je," lol tak membantu langsung kan tapi that's what I think. Alya agrees okay with my "wise words" lol. I think she knows deep down it's not going to happen too. Sometimes, even if you know things, you needed someone else to say it out loud to really believe in it. So geng, if you need someone to give you the cold hard truth, come to me, I don't sugar coat things. lol
"Writing,"
I used to dream to be a writer. EH no. I dream to be a writer...I still want to be one, tapi tu lah, I don't have the courage and the mentality to be one, at least for now. I always assume the worst. TBH, even if I really really want something, that "eh takkan lah boleh dapat," mentality is still there. I don't think I'll succeed, so I never try, I don't think I have the strength to withstand the heart break IF I don't succed. IF. That's the thing. I am fearing IF. -_____________- Even if I have the courage, where do I start? What should I study? Should I study Literature? Language? What's the difference? Which one is more important, idea or grammar? Is lack of content worst that grammatical error? (My english is terrible I don't know how you guys can reach this far -___- ) What defines a good writer? #sispening
As any good friend would do, Alya encourages me to go for it, "kau boleh, aku tak. Aku suka je tulis2 tapi aku tak boleh jadi writer. Kau boleh," she said. Wait what? What does that even mean? She elaborated further, "Kau memang serious, so bila ko tulis something, senang orang nak take it seriously. Aku suka jugak tulis2 ni, tapi tu lah, orang mesti tak percaya yang tu aku yang tulis,". Point taken. (BTW, this further prove the point that Farid has been trying to make for yearssss, "Kakak tak cool,".
But she also encourages me to go more public about this blog. Promote this everywhere. Well well well, if you've been reading this blog since the beginning, you would know, this is the hard part!!! It took me yearssssss before I can include the blog link on my instagram info, then it took me another year to occasionally post about this blog on my insta story, now what, I need to promote it???? My introvert cells are shivering right now!!
We'll see.
"Consistently inconsistent,"
We also talk about how weirdly inconsistent we are. We could be saying one thing today, then do the exact opposite the next day, then we regret it and we beat ourselves for doing the mistakes. This has been the source of our stress our entire life. For example, Us: I want to be a good daughter to my parents; also us: *lie lazily on bed while our mothers wash the laundry, vacuum the house, cook and etc* -______________- Another example > Me: I am a feminist. I'll fight for injustice; Also me: *someone makes a sexist not-funny jokes* hahahahahaha.
I freaking laugh! It's not funny it's sexist, what did I do? Laugh!!!
Of course we know this has to change but man it's hard!
"Moving on,"
I have reach nirvana on this topic. hahahahaha. I am the master of moving on.....I have successfully clean myself from any sort of longing, regrets, resentment towards anything from the past.....but TBH, it's something that comes with maturing and getting old and try and error and a lot of wisdom. So when Alya asked me how, I was like, "Sorry, macam takkan boleh je," lol tak membantu langsung kan tapi that's what I think. Alya agrees okay with my "wise words" lol. I think she knows deep down it's not going to happen too. Sometimes, even if you know things, you needed someone else to say it out loud to really believe in it. So geng, if you need someone to give you the cold hard truth, come to me, I don't sugar coat things. lol
***
Listing this down, no wonder we talked for 3 hours. We covered a lot!
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